Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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