There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
