Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
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So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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