nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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