toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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