I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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