In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
