Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
