she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
