So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
