I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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