even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
