Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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