OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
