The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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