God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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