why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
