Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
