Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
