Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
