He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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