i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I could fuck to npr.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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