Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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