There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
