Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She's JV to your varsity
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
