I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
