At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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