pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
