dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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