nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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