The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize