No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
