Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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