how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
