I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
