and you said cock pushups were impossible
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
