I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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