Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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