We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
