Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
