I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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