we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
