hell yes lets make some ravioli
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
