I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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