After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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