if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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