just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
