it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
