I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
