I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want a musical about memes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
