last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
