The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
