Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize