I faked an abortion last night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
