i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
