so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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