And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize