I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
