I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
