he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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