its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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