i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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