I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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