u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
