Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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