I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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