How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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