I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
