I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
