her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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