Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
