Where is the hickey?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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