i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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