And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
