Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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